Axel's Diary page 355
by AkixYusei
Summary: How Axel feels about Roxas leaving the Organization on day 355. I suck at summaries. AkuRoku. Rated for safety.


This is my first Kingdom Hearts fanfiction. The idea came to me after beating Kingdom Hearts 358/2 days.

I don't own Kingdom Hearts… I wish I did though.

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><p>Axel's diary: 355 days since Roxas joined.<p>

Wow, I can't believe I'm actually doing this again. I haven't done this since my first days in the Organization. Things have never felt more…bleak since Roxas left the Organization. I just, can't seem to get that boy out of my head.

I miss him. Yes I, the infamous Flurry of Dancing Flames, miss someone. He… made me feel, like I had a heart...Oh what am I saying, I don't have a heart. I'm an empty shell, aren't I?

Even worse, Xemnas is making me either bring him back to the Organization, or kill him. I don't want to kill Roxas. He means the world to me.

Could it be that I love him? No… I don't have a heart, which means I am not capable of loving someone. Yet there is something there, something that not even Vexen (Even though he is dead) could have figured out. I wish there was someone I could ask about this… but no-one would understand…except maybe Demyx. No, not even him… Though I did see some sort of sign emotion when he was around Zexion (Before he died)

I wonder where Roxas is now... I can't believe he thought nobody would miss him. I bet he didn't even hear me when I said I would. I don't even know why I said that, I mean it's the truth, but why…

How about a better question, why him? Why, of all the people in the organization, why Roxas? I mean he is sweet and kind… and not to mention his eyes… his beautiful, beautiful eyes. Ugh what am I saying! He probably doesn't feel the same way… or feel anyway at all.

I remember how he acted during his first days of the organization. He was a zombie… barely... if ever talking. Saix and Xemnas had assigned me to be his babysitter, and let's just say I, originally was none too pleased, but Roxas soon grew on me, and we became friends.

I don't know when I began to 'feel' something for him, but I recognized the feeling from when I was a Somebody… There was a boy I had felt this feeling for, when I had first realized I was gay…but I don't remember his name. I wish I did though, he was really kind. I wonder what his reaction would be if he saw me alive.

I remember when I realized I felt something for Roxas… it was just after I had left for Castle Oblivion. Every night, I felt… worried about him, like something bad was going on. It didn't make sense at the time, I was a Nobody, I had no emotions, but yet, there was something there. The feeling didn't leave, even when I tried to forget about him, and focus on the mission at hand.

When I returned to the World That Never Was, I felt almost…relieved that Roxas was ok. I went to meet him at the clock tower, and saw him sitting by himself, eating sea salt ice cream. I walked over, seeing the relief in his eyes, which made me slightly confused, but I ignore it. He began talking to me, telling me about the new member, Xion. I guess I felt… jealous… which also didn't make sense. What did Xion have that I didn't… besides boobs…

It didn't get any better for me. Roxas was always worried about Xion, where she was if she didn't show up after a mission, or like when she couldn't use her keyblade, he asked me to ask Saix if they could work together on missions. Even though it was my idea to begin with, it hurt knowing he wanted to work with her. Sadly by that point, I had grown used to whatever I was feeling at the time. Whether they were real or just my imagination didn't matter. So I did what he asked, getting Saix to agree wasn't that difficult. I didn't enjoy that at all, seeing Roxas with another person, especially someone I think he has 'feelings' for.

When Xion ran off, Saix told me that I had to get her back, which is something I didn't want to do. It was even worse that Roxas ran off, hating me because I didn't tell him anything about who he was, that he couldn't trust me anymore.

I can't believe I was so stupid! I should have told Roxas… I mean I know he wouldn't have liked it, but maybe he wouldn't have run off. Maybe…just maybe I would have been able to tell him how I felt. I wonder where he is right now… it would be nice to know. I wish I had the strength to go find him, to tell him how I feel.

Roxas… I know you will never read this, but I want you to know…that I love you. I hope that I will never have to do anything to harm you in any way, shape, or form.

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><p>Please review and no flames. Flames are, in my mind, reviews that call your story terrible and tell you that you should stop writing stories.<p> 


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